You can hold someone accountable without allowing their behaviour to take up residence in your inner world.

On authentic power, choosing love over fear, reclaiming your peace and preparing yourself for the holiday season.

Have you ever allowed someone else's behaviour to occupy so much space in your mind that it started affecting your peace, your mood and even how you showed up in other areas of your life?

Have you replayed conversations, wondered why someone treated you a certain way, wished you had responded differently or spent hours trying to make sense of something that was never yours to carry in the first place?

I've been reflecting on this a lot lately, particularly on the difference between holding someone accountable and carrying the emotional weight of what they have done.

And here's something I've been reminded of:

You can hold someone accountable without allowing their behaviour to take up residence in your inner world.

You can acknowledge the hurt, establish your boundaries, choose not to engage and still refuse to let someone else's actions change who you are.

This is what choosing your authentic power looks like.

And interestingly, this is exactly where my reflections took me as I began November.

A little trip down memory lane

I started November 1st in a space of reflection and discipline.

I've been making a conscious effort to take better care of my body, move it more, create healthier routines and pay closer attention to what I need, both physically and emotionally.

And then something interesting happened.

I felt guided to revisit some old notes I'd written back in 2011.

I started going through them, and before I knew it, I was completely immersed in the thoughts, lessons and ideas I'd captured all those years ago.

What struck me was how relevant so much of it felt today. It was almost as though my younger self had left me a little reminder of the things I needed to hear again.

During that period of my life, I was particularly drawn to Gary Zukav and his book The Seat of the Soul

His teachings on authentic power, intention and the distinction between acting from love versus fear really spoke to me.

I was also deeply immersed in Marianne Williamson's A Return to Love, which carried a remarkably similar message about choosing love over fear and allowing love to transform the way we see ourselves, others and the world.

Looking back, I realise that these two teachers were catalysts for a huge shift in my life at the time.

They challenged the way I viewed relationships, personal responsibility, my choices and, most importantly, the power I had over my own inner world.

And here I am, all these years later, revisiting those same teachings and finding myself inspired all over again.

Perhaps that's the beautiful thing about personal growth. Sometimes we don't need an entirely new lesson. We need to revisit the wisdom we've already encountered and recognise how much more deeply we understand it now.

There were several passages and ideas from my old notes that I wanted to share with you.

The difference between external power and authentic power

One of my notes that really stopped me in my tracks was Gary Zukav's teaching that the heart of creating authentic power is intention.

He explores how our intentions influence the energy behind our choices and actions.

It's an invitation to become more conscious of WHY we do what we do.

Consider some of these ideas:

1. Temporary happiness versus authentic fulfillment

When you get something that a frightened part of you wants, the happiness you experience may only be temporary.

Think about that for a moment.

How often do we chase something because we believe it will finally make us feel worthy, accepted, loved or secure?

Perhaps it's the approval of another person, a particular relationship, a promotion, a certain lifestyle or even the need to prove ourselves.

But when the desire is coming from a place of fear, insecurity or feeling incomplete, achieving it rarely provides the lasting fulfillment we were hoping for.

There is nothing wrong with wanting more, having ambitions or celebrating your accomplishments.

The invitation is to become aware of WHY you want what you want.

Are you creating from a place of love, possibility and genuine desire? Or are you trying to fill a space within yourself that needs your own attention?

2. The pain of powerlessness and feeling unlovable

Another idea that stood out in my notes was the connection between powerlessness and the feeling that we are somehow unworthy or unlovable.

I think many of us can relate to this.

Sometimes our reactions have very little to do with what is happening in front of us and everything to do with what an experience brings up within us.

We feel rejected, overlooked, dismissed or unappreciated, and suddenly we are responding from an old wound rather than the present moment.

We might become defensive, controlling, angry or desperate to be understood.

But what if, instead of immediately reacting, we paused long enough to ask ourselves:

What is this bringing up in me?

What part of me feels threatened right now?

Am I responding to this situation, or am I responding to an old story about my worth?

There is so much freedom in learning to recognise those patterns.

Our worth is not something we need to constantly negotiate with the world.

3. External power versus authentic power

Zukav makes a distinction between external power and authentic power that I think is particularly important in today's world.

External power is associated with the ability to manipulate and control. It is about getting others to behave a certain way, controlling outcomes and trying to create security through circumstances outside ourselves.

Authentic power, on the other hand, comes from aligning our personality with our soul and choosing to live from values such as compassion, harmony, cooperation and love.

And this is where the work really begins.

We cannot control how everyone behaves. We cannot control every outcome, every conversation or every situation we find ourselves in.

But we can become more conscious of how we show up.

We can choose our intention. We can choose our response. We can choose whether we contribute more fear to a situation or whether we bring awareness, compassion and a willingness to understand.

We may not have control over everything that happens, but we have a responsibility for the energy and intention we bring to what happens next.

4. Every choice begins with an intention

This was perhaps my biggest takeaway from revisiting my notes.

Our intention is a fundamental creative choice.

Before we speak, act, respond, make a decision or enter a relationship, there is an intention behind it.

And sometimes we need to be honest enough with ourselves to examine what that intention really is.

Are we speaking because we want to connect, or because we want to win?

Are we setting a boundary because we respect ourselves, or because we want to punish someone?

Are we helping because we genuinely want to contribute, or because we need to feel needed?

Are we making a decision from love, or are we allowing fear to make it for us?

The beautiful thing is that awareness gives us an opportunity to choose differently.

We are not powerless observers of our lives. We are participants in creating them, one choice at a time.

When someone hurts you, you don't have to become part of the hurt

Now, this next part of my notes really made me pause.

Zukav discusses karma and the idea that when someone hurts us, their actions are also connected to their own spiritual journey and the intentions from which they are acting.

Through his spiritual framework, he invites us to consider that hurtful behaviour can come from a frightened place within another person.

And that understanding can change how we respond.

It doesn't mean that what someone did was acceptable. It doesn't mean we should tolerate disrespect, excuse harmful behaviour or remain in situations that are not healthy for us.

But it does mean we don't have to take every action personally or allow someone else's behaviour to dictate who we become.

We don't have to appoint ourselves judge, jury and executioner.

We don't have to spend our days trying to get even, prove a point or make someone understand the pain they caused.

We can acknowledge what happened, take responsibility for our own response, establish boundaries where necessary and allow others to be accountable for their choices.

In Zukav's understanding of karma, our actions and intentions have consequences. Which makes it even more important to be mindful of what we create in moments of emotional intensity.

Because sometimes, in our attempt to respond to someone else's hurtful behaviour, we end up creating more hurt for ourselves.

And that is something worth thinking about.

You can hold someone accountable without carrying their hurt. You can protect your peace without compromising your values. And you can choose not to participate in the energy you are trying to move away from.

Why this matters even more as we enter the holiday season

So, why am I sharing all this with you today?

Because it is November 1st, 2026.

We are entering the final two months of the year, and I think this is a particularly important time to become intentional about how we want to experience the months ahead.

We are living through some extraordinary times. There is so much uncertainty, fear, division and anger in the collective.

And then comes the holiday season.

A time when joy, connection and celebration can be heightened, but so can loneliness, grief, sadness and family tensions.

For some, the holidays are a beautiful time of togetherness. For others, they can bring up difficult memories, complicated relationships, financial pressures or the absence of people they wish were still here.

And sometimes, even when we love the people around us, spending extended time together can challenge our patience, boundaries and emotional well-being.

This is why I want to offer you a gentle reminder:

Don't wait until you're overwhelmed to start taking care of yourself. Create your self-care routine BEFORE the holiday season begins.

Not as another thing to add to your to-do list, but as a commitment to yourself.

Here are a few things I'd encourage you to start putting into practice.

Your November self-care reminders

1. Create your emotional support system.

Identify the person you can turn to when you feel triggered, overwhelmed or emotionally exhausted.

Someone you feel safe with. Someone who can listen without immediately judging, fixing or telling you what to do.

Let that person know you might need their support over the coming weeks.

And remember, asking for support is not a weakness. It is an act of self-awareness.

2. Don't forget about your body.

We carry so much in our bodies.

The conversations we didn't have. The words we wanted to say but chose not to. The frustration we swallowed to keep the peace. The stress we carried from one situation into another.

Don't let all that energy consume your inner world.

Find healthy ways to release it.

Move your body. Walk, dance, stretch, exercise, practise breathwork, journal, hum, sing or simply spend time outdoors.

You don't need an elaborate wellness routine. You need consistent opportunities to reconnect with yourself and give your body the attention it deserves.

3. Ground yourself BEFORE the event.

Whether you're preparing for a family gathering, a difficult conversation, a presentation or a demanding day at work, give yourself time to ground beforehand.

Don't rush from one responsibility into another without checking in with yourself.

Take a few deep breaths. Set an intention. Remind yourself how you want to show up.

You might even tell yourself:

I can be present without absorbing everyone's emotions.

I can be compassionate without abandoning myself.

I can enjoy this moment without needing to control it.

4. Protect your mornings.

One of the most underrated forms of self-care is creating a morning routine that belongs to YOU.

Don't rush out of bed and immediately hand over your attention to the world.

Resist the urge to check work emails the moment you wake up. Stop scrolling through the news when you already know it triggers anxiety. Give yourself a little breathing room before taking on everyone else's demands.

Create a morning that allows you to reconnect with yourself before the world starts asking for your attention.

It doesn't have to be complicated. A little movement, a few quiet moments, journaling, prayer, meditation or enjoying your coffee without distractions can make a difference.

5. Break the patterns that keep you stuck.

Pay attention to when you are operating on autopilot.

Are you saying yes when you really want to say no? Are you overexplaining yourself because you feel guilty? Are you rescuing everyone around you while neglecting your own needs? Are you constantly checking things that you know disturb your peace?

Catch yourself.

Nobody is coming to interrupt every unhealthy pattern for you. You have to become aware of them and take responsibility for changing them.

And here's a reminder I want you to keep close:

You are your own rescuer. Stop rescuing everyone else at the expense of rescuing yourself.

6. Create boundaries, and honor them.

Boundaries are not about punishing people or shutting everyone out.

They are about understanding your limits and communicating them with clarity and compassion.

You don't have to attend every event, answer every message immediately, take on every responsibility or participate in every conversation.

You are allowed to say no.

You are allowed to change your mind.

You are allowed to take a step back.

And you can do all of this without becoming unkind.

Work on your delivery. Be mindful of your words. Take accountability for how you communicate, while remembering that you are not responsible for managing everyone's reaction to your boundaries.

7. Practice compassionate accountability.

This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately.

I encourage you to explore Compassionate Accountability by Nate Regier.

The idea of combining compassion with accountability is such an important one, both in our personal relationships and in the workplace.

We can be understanding without avoiding difficult conversations. We can acknowledge our mistakes without beating ourselves up. We can hold others accountable without humiliating them.

But perhaps the most important place to start is with ourselves.

Be honest about where you are falling short. Recognise the patterns that aren't serving you. Take responsibility for your choices, and give yourself the grace to learn and do better.

Compassion and accountability are not opposites. They can, and should, coexist.

A final reminder as we enter November

I want to leave you with this.

As you move through the final weeks of 2026, don't make the mistake of waiting for January 1st to become more intentional about your life.

You can start now.

You can choose a healthier habit today. You can decide to move your body tomorrow morning. You can create a boundary before the next family gathering. You can stop participating in conversations that leave you feeling depleted.

You can choose to respond differently the next time something triggers you.

And please, forgive yourself.

Forgive yourself for not starting sooner. Forgive yourself for starting and falling off the wagon. Forgive yourself for the days you didn't show up, the promises you didn't keep and the habits you haven't quite mastered.

Wherever you are right now is okay.

You don't need to have everything figured out. You don't need to finish the year with a perfect routine, a perfect mindset or a perfect version of yourself.

You simply need to be willing to show up.

Show up as you are. Meet yourself where you are. Love the woman or the man you see in the mirror.

Start there.

Start by extending that love and compassion to yourself, and then allow it to expand into your relationships, your family, your workplace and the world around you.

Perhaps that is what creating authentic power really looks like in our everyday lives: becoming more aware of our intentions, choosing love over fear and taking responsibility for the experiences we create.

As we enter this holiday season, may we be a little more patient with ourselves, a little more compassionate with others and a lot more intentional about the lives we are creating.

An invitation to work together

If you are feeling the need for a little more support, clarity or direction as we approach the end of the year, I'd love to work with you.

Perhaps you want to navigate the holiday season without feeling emotionally depleted. Perhaps you want to establish healthier habits, reconnect with your body, strengthen your boundaries or simply create more space for yourself.

Or maybe you're already looking ahead to 2027 and want to be more intentional about the way you want to live, feel and show up in the year ahead.

I offer 1:1 wellness coaching sessions designed to help you navigate these transitions, reconnect with yourself and create a more intentional path forward.

I have extremely limited availability for individual sessions.

If you'd like to work with me, you can book your 1:1 session.

I'd love to support you.

Sending you so much love for November. Let's end this year on a high note, not just in what we accomplish, but in who we become along the way.

Happy November. Happy holidays. And most importantly, keep showing up for YOU.